Deliberate Fatherhood

Last night my wife gently whispered in my ear that perhaps I could devote a little of my reading time to books that appertain to parenting. Now, I think we do as good a job as other parents, and we have four great kids. But am I being as deliberate in looking for opportunities to teach them God's Word? Am I leading family devotions? Am I praying regularly with my kids (not just at meals)?

So as I headed out this morning, I grabbed Raising a Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis. I had a particularly sparse day today, and uncharacteristically, I read the entire book in one day. It is a wonderful treatise on deliberate fatherhood. Coming from Focus on the Family, I half-expected it to be "fluff" and unbiblical (something like the ridiculous book Wild At Heart), but it was a breath of fresh air. Although I don't agree with his particular application in every detail, Lewis in effect says, 'that's okay, you don't have to. Just make sure you are raising your son in a deliberate manner.'

His metaphor for raising sons revolves around the process young boys would enter to become a knight during the dark ages. There is something mystical and wonderful about this that dads and boys can identify with. Lewis' main points are:

1. You need an accurate definition of what biblical manhood is. Lewis defines a man as one who "rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects a greater reward (from God)". He goes on to explain what is meant by these points.


2. You need a process by which this definition is passed on to your boy. A code of conduct that is based on the Bible, as well as a means to pass it on (Deuteronomy 6:7).


3. Once he reaches manhood, a ceremony (or ceremonies) will reinforce the importance of what you've taught him. To me, this was the most fascinating part of the book. Believe me, it isn't as cheesy or hokey as it sounds.

Lewis distills his ten biblical ideals of a modern-day knight: loyalty (Hosea 6:6), servant-leadership (Matthew 20:26-27), kindness (Proverbs 19:22), humility (Philippians 2:3), purity (1 Timothy 4:12), honesty (Ephesians 4:25), self-discipline (1 Timothy 4:7-8), excellence (1 Corinthians 9:24), integrity (Proverbs 10:9), perseverance (Galatians 6:9). Needless to say, these are all in the context of advancing the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).

As I am writing this, I realize that all this is an unfair oversimplification of Lewis's main tenets. Take in on faith that Lewis's approach is worthy of serious consideration.